Dear Concealer, I kinda hate you

Dear Concealer,

I kind of hate you. But you are so magical! I feel like I am pedaling lies and manufacturing fantasy! Which is why I have been avoiding you for years. I worried you were just a mask to hide behind. Because if I always wear you, on the off chance someone saw me without you, they might be petrified or run away panic-stricken... But damn, you do make a lady look good! So maybe we can be friends now? Since I need you. My under eye circles need you. Badly.

Thx

On my journey of fixing my face, I have made discoveries! I have really been working on the basics; literally the base-me without makeup. So here they are, in no particular order:

• Electric toothbrush- I had a Sonicare and then mom took it away when I got out of the hospital and replaced it with an Oral B because of the round head and spinning movement. She thinks this is easier on gums. Either way, it makes brushing way easier and does a much better job than regular manual toothbrush. Oh, and floss too. And I use Plax.
• Arm&Hammer Extreme Whitening Toothpaste- Warning, it's pretty salty but quite effective. It has given me the most bang for the buck I have ever seen.  Its pretty inexpensive and works! Like, I can tell a difference in a day, it works. Good stuff. (Hmm. Maybe I am more obsessed about my teeth than I thought. I didn't notice until just now.)
• Clarisonic- I had one of these and I was so excited to use it when I got out of the hospital. So obviously, it was broken when I finally discovered where I'd put it. And now I have a new one. It does a great job of cleaning without me having to do much work. Hmm, looks like lazy is a theme here too. 
• Distilled Water- Ok, so I feel quite diva about this one but hear me out. I rinse my face with distilled bottled water. It is the cheapest and most effective beauty product I own. I read an article somewhere about hard water making your face break out. When I moved here, I broke out. When I go visit other places, my skin immediately clears up. I have never had a huge issue with acne so when I moved and my face broke out I kind of panicked. Hence, the Clarisonic. But girl, rinsing off my face with distilled water at the end of my normal face washing REALLY helped. 
• Shea Moisture African Black Soap- I have been using this on my face. It is kinda strong but it has been working fairly well at controlling the breakouts. Between sugar and prednisone, I need all the help I can get.

My gems:

Concealer Crayon! This is so easy to use. It just glides on and blends so well. I was worried I would be dragging it across my face and it would be dry, but it wasn't. And it is great color! I wear Light Medium W4-5 and blend it out with a foundation brush. 

Spoolie! Who fluffin' new I had been brushing my eyebrows wrong! I thought this was just for mascara! But, no! This does an amazing job with eyebrows.

And then Brow Drama! I've been wearing Soft Brown. Even my doctor noticed my brows were looking good. Perhaps not yet on fleek; they are a work in progress. Eyebrows can make or break a face. I have judged many a woman on her eyebrows, even when my own were not stunning. So I am an eyebrow hypocrite, but at least I am honest about it. Eyebrows are my thing. I got so distracted watching The Princess Diaries because of Anne Hathaway's brows -they were so enormous on screen...I couldn't take it! Bless her heart, the makeup department jacked her up.

I did get some new makeup in the mail. I am still working on my signature look, but more on that later. You knew I couldn't stop shopping...

Friday Night Ritual

My Friday nights are epic:

Married At First Sight
Love, Lust or Run
Love at First Swipe
Say Yes To the Dress Atlanta


Friday nights are my "late night" and mom and I stay up to watch TLC and FYI. First it's Married at First Sight and we talk about all those crazy women who married a guy and are now complaining that he is trying to be a good husband and they don't even know them. Where are these guys?! Why didn't I find them?! They seem so nice and cute! Or maybe there was a guy I missed...

Then I learn about how to get dressed for your psychological space on Love, Lust or Run. This week I realized that most people use make up to cover things up. And thus is why I am not entirely comfortable in it! I don't feel the need to cover or mask- unless I am at work cuz that woman, the Wicked Witch of the West End, isn't the real me anyway. I just don't want to put in the effort to not be myself, like I am covering up something. Unless I am at work where I am covering all my insecurities and putting my bravest foot forward. So maybe a nice look for work will work. I have had my suits of armor before. Perhaps I should go back to that to fully embrace the person I am when I'm not at work.  Also, solid, solid, print/texture. Thanks Stacy.

Love at First Swipe is great to really start to think about how one looks online. I have some more thinking to do about that. Like wiping the ex from my pictures, just so everyone knows I am actually single and serious about it. I am supposed to be engaging with the internet more anyway.
Tips and tricks:don't lead with your boobies and show pictures of yourself doing the activities you are interested in so you will attract like-minded people.

Say Yes to the Dress? Of course! I will need with a dress sometime eventually. Just practicing for the real thing. And watching tragic catty drama in the bridal salon. Duh.

I always mean to put on a mask and do my nails or something but I usually get distracted by the dishes, Lumosity and blogging. Often in that order. I did manage to put on my new lipstick, so that is a step! It will get better with wine. Everything gets better with wine.

Spending time on the couch with mom on a Friday night? Priceless. But again, better with wine. Or maybe I had some earlier...


Blogger Glasses!! You know me. There is shopping somewhere. But I blame this one on mom- she was insistent I get computer glasses to keep out the blue light...

FYI- Follow me with a Google account

Just to let you know, if you are following me via any other blog reader, Google would like for you to follow this blog with your Google account. So if you don't have a Google account, get one!  Below is what Google says:

In 2011, we announced the retirement of Google Friend Connect for all non-Blogger sites. We made an exception for Blogger to give readers an easy way to follow blogs using a variety of accounts. Yet over time, we’ve seen that most people sign into Friend Connect with a Google Account. So, in an effort to streamline, in the next few weeks we’ll be making some changes that will eventually require readers to have a Google Account to sign into Friend Connect and follow blogs.

As part of this plan, starting the week of January 11, we’ll remove the ability for people with Twitter, Yahoo, Orkut or other OpenId providers to sign in to Google Friend Connect and follow blogs. At the same time, we’ll remove non-Google Account profiles so you may see a decrease in your blog follower count.

We encourage you to tell affected readers (perhaps via a blog post), that if they use a non-Google Account to follow your blog, they need to sign up for a Google Account, and re-follow your blog. With a Google Account, they’ll get blogs added to their Reading List, making it easier for them to see the latest posts and activity of the blogs they follow.

Peace & Love y'all

Vegetable Atonement

Vegetable Atonement

Today, I had a cheeseburger from Culver's. It was amazing! I have been wanting a cheeseburger for months, I just couldn't eat one. But now that I have finally had my cheeseburger, it is time for veggie rehab to atone for my lapse in judgement. Dinner tonight was Kale Chips and Guava Mama flavor Mama Chia. Hallelujah! Vegetable atonement was sooo delicious! I should be instantly healthy now. But I assure you, this actually tasted good. I also had some probiotics.

I am flippin' amazing!

Girl, Have a Smoothie

I have a nutritionist! She is actually the second one I have ever had and funny enough both have had red hair.  Anyway, since I am still rebuilding whatever the histoplasmosis left of me. For the most part, I eat fairly healthy foods, plus candy. Obviously, the candy is the problem here. I have a sugar addiction. Really. If its around, I can't help myself. And I know it causes such issues but I have to have it anyway. I get grouchy, I break out, I crash. I still want it. I can feel it burning through my body and causing my RA to flare and making my muscles hurt. I still want it. I am eating conversation hearts as I type this. Weird joints are aching- like one ankle, a knee and the middle knuckle of my right hand.  My knee is swollen and my face is breaking out. But it's soooo gooood! Alcohol has a similar effect because it's just another form of sugar. Evil stuff, really, but I can't seem to let it go. I know the antidote for it though- vegetables. I should make some kale chips. But I am supposed to be talking about prescription smoothies. She recommended them since I don't want to eat all the stuff I am supposed to, like yogurt and bananas.  And she gave me a couple of websites to check out:

http://www.cookinglight.com/food/recipe-finder/healthy-smoothie-recipes/view-all

http://www.prevention.com/food/20-super-healthy-smoothie-recipes

 http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes_menus/collections/healthy_smoothie_recipes

So of course I started by making my own creations instead of her suggestions. Which involved cocoa powder (No sugar! Well maybe just a little bit), bananas, and yogurt. The nutritionist recommended they be under 200 calories but I am honestly not entire sure how that is supposed to happen. Fruit and yogurt have lots of calories because they are full of sugar! She also said to put in some chia seeds for regularity and some protein powder but not together. I seem to be continuously low on potassium-I feel like my heart gets fluttery but not in a good way. So I need the banana or some orange juice. We will see how this goes.

Bottoms up! Enjoy those recipes, but here is mine- I hardly ever measure anything so this is approximate.  :)

Chocolate Banana Smoothie

1 banana
2 heaping tablespoons of cocoa powder
3-4 heaping tablespoons of plain yogurt
1 teaspoonish of vanilla
couple of ice cubes
Blend and enjoy!  See? No sugar! So make sure that banana is good and ripe.

100 Views!

Grown Lady-ish got one hundred page views!

Happy Friday! Ohmygosh! My blog just hit 100 views last night! Go me! Then this happened!!

It's like the universe said "Hey Babygirl, you know I still love you." 

Not only did I find the extremely rare Baby Lips Balm Ball, I also found 2 pounds of my favorite candy on clearance!! Two pounds! Balm Balls! Two of my addictions in one Walgreens!! I was quite pleased with myself and wallowed in my good fortune.

And then I called Delta to try to book a trip using my flight credit. So maybe the universe just knew I would need those conversation hearts later to console myself while I wonder how I got schnockered into paying more for something of lesser value that I already paid for... No direct flight! I don't even get to fly Delta! I get to catch commuter planes at multiple airports. It's like buying a knockoff handbag at the designer price. But getting a chance to be with the people I love is totally worth it. So really, it is a windfall and the universe still likes me. To spend money. Or maybe that's just me...

Anywhoodlydo,  my blog has been viewed a hundred times! I didn't think anyone would actually notice or care! I have followers and I am quite grateful! So followers, is there anything you would like to see more of? Less of? Feedback, questions, comments? Email me at growladyish82@gmail.com!

Getting My Ish Together: I Need New Makeup!

I have come to realize that I need to step up my game. This has been my unconscious focus this week. I need to fix my face. My face is fine, but I have begun to see the beginnings of age and the aftermath of illness. With that age comes a bit of a need for some more sophistication, a need for more mystery...and concealer. I have never been a girl who wears a lot of make up or wears make up a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love makeup and the effect it has. I really love anything shiny and colorful. I am fairly easy/predictable that way. But it has been some time since I have put anything on my face. My skills are SUPER rusty.  My make up is old-like a couple years old and maybe I shouldn't use it anymore? Plus I am still making acquaintance with this new face. I gotta step up my single lady game. I need to find my single lady game...

So I started with skincare. My girl told me years ago I needed eye cream. Any eye cream, she didn't care, just use some. So of course, I didn't. But now... I seriously need to send these bags packing. So I have Booth's No. 7.  and I got some serum to go with it. The serum seems really lovely so far. The eye cream stung slightly but it has gone away. Maybe that means its working? And some Neutrogena Hydro Boost moisturizer. The moisturizer is super light and not sticky or shiny- it actually dries to a matte finish but is still moisturizing.

Also, my girl MakeUpByRen recommended I check out NitraaB on YouTube. I really like Nitraa's look-she is gorgeous and I feel like Ren Ren nailed a great inspirational artist and look for me. Plus she had a great video about economical makeup for beginners. So again, down the shopping wormhole...

I found these intriguing and affordable brands online that I am dying to try!
BH Cosmetics
Colour Pop
Sigma
Coastal Scents
GlamGlow

Ok, so GlamGlow isn't all that cheap but it isn't completely out of range either. I ended up ordering from BH Cosmetics and Colour Pop since I feel hard for that lip color Nitraa is wearing in the video. I am working on creating a more neutral look as I am usually attracted to the shiny sparkles, so see? I needed that lipstick.

And I tried a new look...

It was actually really easy; I was super surprised. I got my inspiration from a Maybelline add that is on my Vision Board. A little under eye concealer, a wash of one golden-y color on my eyelids, liquid liner winged out on the top lashes topped with my favorite eyeliner pencil and more of that on the water line, define the brows with some brown eyeshadow and lip brush ('cuz that's what I had), a little glowy bronzer on my cheeks and some bright lipstick. RED lipstick no less! Take that Mom! Well, it was all easy to put on, not as easy to write about. I feel like I could rock this to work fairly well since it came together pretty quickly.

I got some single lady shoes too. Dillard's had clearance. You should know by now I can't help this. I am stimulating the economy with my tax return! It is Refund Season after all...I am a PATRIOT! I am great at rationalization. But wait, I do have a plan: I am setting the bar higher with heels. This time around, I want a really tall guy so I can wear these fabulous confections. Hear that universe? TALL! Six feet plus! So I can wear these shoes, OMG! (Yes, Trez, I went without you and got the Barbie shoes. Sorry, girl.)

Exercise Not Recommended...

Unfortunately, I am not cleared for exercise just yet. So I have been trying to work out my drug addled brain instead of my flabby muscles. Now, before anyone tries to come to my house looking for oxy, please note I am not allowed to take any painkillers right now so my drugs aren't fun; they are more of the benadryl mind fog ilk than any sort of psychadelic fun time. To help my clear my prednisone/stahist quagmire I have been doing Lumosity. Honestly, I have been doing Lumosity for over a year since it helped me clear that last mind fog. Yes, it is kinda expensive. BUT I got to renew it at a lower price from a coupon code I got from RetailMeNot (angelic music here) and got Mom a membership since I upgraded my account because she was really interested and I didn't want her messing up my stats. Mom doesn't use it, of course but I feel like it helps and it doesn't take too long. And I can compare myself to everyone else on the site and my inner high-achiever super nerd likes that there are comparative percentiles! I have plenty of room for improvement in those.

I have been a lump on the couch and I really need to get moving so I turned to YouTube, my go-to how-to. As always, there is plenty of crazy out there but I did find Blogilates which seems interesting and physically challenging. Thus, I have started a stretch challenge. It is challenging, to say the least. Even though the instructor, who is really energetic, has a ton of videos, I still can't really do them even though they are pretty easy. I am that out of shape.

I am confident that I will not be doing all of these poses by the end of the month. (Secret Confession: I have have always wanted to be able to do #24. No idea why.) Taking charge of my health is on the 2016 Goal List. So here is my recipe for one of my favorite healthy snacks, kale chips :)

Kale Chips
Ingredients:
1 bunch of kale, washed and chopped
olive oil
salt
lemon
parmesan cheese (optional)

Directions:
Heat oven to 350 degrees.
Toss the clean kale in olive oil and salt and spread on a sheet pan. Try to keep the kale in one layer to keep the air moving around it. Bake for 15 minutes or until kale is crispy. It will be brittle, like a potato chip. Remove from the oven and squeeze with a little lemon juice, sprinkle with cheese. These are my addiction. I will eat the whole the pan by myself.

But because everything always devolves into shopping, I also found Fabletics. Perhaps this will be my motivation to get a super cute workout outfit and then I will actually want to work out, right??? Exactly!

Sigh

It all really does return to shopping for me, doesn't it? I love this jacket from Loft. Y'all better not buy up my jacket!

And did you know they have horoscopes? There's a new moon in my Love Zone, aww yeah! And, fellow Librans, the home run: the only problem is letting go of any indecision that keeps you from choosing what you want. Well shoot, I just said that last week! Or something equally brilliant. Anywho, I am not usually a huge believer but this one has been fairly consistently spot on. It's free entertainment with adorable jackets anyway. I need to ask my girl to read my cards again... hmm... Forthcoming brilliance alert! From this point on, I am going to refer to my real life friends by their car's names, to protect the innocent. Tarot cards are read by my genius lady Trez. LOL.

Well, if I don't do any actual exercise, I can still surf the internet.
Honestly, I have a problem.

Yes, My Christmas Tree Is Still Up

Yes, the tree is still up. Yes, it is Super Bowl Sunday which means it is February and my Christmas tree is still up. Here, let me distract you with my incredible recipe for Buffalo Chicken Dip, the green bean casserole of the Great American Holiday of Advertising. I don't even know who is playing but I know what I will be eating...

Buffalo Chicken Dip
2 cans of Swanson chicken breast
1 8 oz. package Philadelphia cream cheese
1/2 cup Frank's Red Hot Sauce
1/2 cup Ken's Blue Cheese dressing
1/2 crumbled blue cheese crumbles or shredded cheddar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Combine all ingredients in a shallow 1 qt. baking dish
Bake 20 minutes or until mixture is heated through. I usually put the cheddar shreds on top so I wait until they are nice and golden gooey. You can substitute ranch for the blue cheese dressing (but I will judge you on that b/c you just ruined it) and if you are super fancy, you can also shred your own chicken but this is America and there is no good reason to get all high and mighty with this dip (and I will judge you again on how you think you are better than the rest of us). Serve with celery sticks so you won't feel so bad about eating this but it goes well on tortilla chips and pretty much anything else you could think of. I have eaten it with a spoon.


You are still thinking about my Christmas tree aren't you? I can feel it through the interwebs! Don't judge me! I have tons of excuses! It is beautiful but I am not going to show you a picture for the shame of it. Well maybe I will show you a picture...

Oh, wait! This is supposed to be my Year of Yes. But there it is: the shiny, sparkly, champagne colored embodiment of... procrastination. So why am I saying yes to putting off the life I actually want to live? I should be saying no, I will create my new, Christmas Tree Free life today. Right now. Or else it might never get done. Which means I might never get to live. And I will never get done. 

Well that went real deep in a hurry. But procrastination has always been an issue for me. (Look! Excuse #1) I can start making healthier choices tomorrow. Maybe he will change if I just give it some time. Yes, these shoes are giving me blisters but they look so cute on my feet now. I'll put away the laundry tomorrow since I already folded it up today. What else have I been putting off? The ever-multiplying list of books I want to read. All those (crazy!) goals I made for myself back at the beginning of the year. Making myself happy...

I was doing so well. I left the guy and got my own apartment- my very first place to call mine. I had friends over (this was huge for me) all the time! I only had one corner left to unpack! I got to enjoy it for all of a month and then I got sick (Excuse #2! but this one is legit). Two weeks in bed, two weeks in the hospital, two weeks on the scariest, most awful, miracle drug in the world, two months more I don't really remember and here I am in the second month of being conscious-ish 60%-80% of the time. I was on a roll but I got totally, entirely derailed. I haven't been able to do much for a really long time. It has been way easier to not do very much. Loosing autonomy and independence grates against my nature, but like that old pair of sweatpants you really can't wear out of the house, procrastination is just soooo comfy! (Excuse #3: I can do whatever I want when mom goes home) I slipped into an old habit before I even realized it. It hooked its claws in me, pulled me under and I didn't even notice! Safe and secure on the lake bottom, with all that stagnant procrastination water weight keeping me down, I just now realized I can't breathe. There is sunlight up there. I don't have to choose this warm darkness. It isn't safe; its slowly killing me. Robbing me of time, taking up way too much mental space, creating unneeded and ridiculous anxiety, keeping me from what I want, taking me far away from life. I can leave you behind. I can break the surface and see the sun. Its perfectly normal to breathe. If you were an actual boyfreind, we would have broken up a long time ago.


Fine! I will take down the stupid tree!


PS My grandmother said we keep the Christmas tree up until Old Christmas. Which has long passed. Yes, she would be ashamed. Sorry Grandmi. I promise to work on it.

PPS Enjoy the dip :) Say yes to the celery. There! You didn't put off making a healthier decision! Go you!

OMG These shoes! I am perfectly aware that these are not grown lady shoes. But look at them! They are simultaneously horrendous and spectacular! Like the actual party threw up on my feet. There is nothing I own that goes with them. There is possibly nothing on earth that goes with them. I need them. AND they are on CLEARANCE! Can you believe!? Well, yes I can, since no grown woman should wear these and least of all in public. Please understand that it is all I can do to keep from jumping in the car this moment and going back to Dillard's...

Shopping is a Problem: Anthropologie

The dress that got away...

I found this  Moulinette Soeurs dress at Anthropologie and fell in love in the clearance section. It is fun and a little weird but elegant. Ugh! And now it is gone...but while I was there I found candle holders! How grown up is that?!

These are beautiful. I don't need them but I do need them. They would look so amazing on my dining table, wouldn't they? I know, of course they would!

I also need these:

I should probably stay away from Anthropologie. I am in grave danger of indulging in my obsession with bowls. I also have a thing for mugs. It is entirely unreasonable, I know. 

And this goes with a teacup I got as a gift a few years ago. Sigh. 

Anyway, I just had to share.