Hello?

My mother recently declared that my socks, the comfy athletic kind I have been wearing since elementary school, are not grown up socks. I look and act (most of the time) like an adult but I guess I just don’t feel so reliable and full of spreadsheets on the inside like I thought I would. Happily, I’m not the only one with this problem. I had coffee with a friend and we talked about New Years Resolutions. I don’t make them. If you are going to actually do something, you should just do it now. Or, if you are a procrastinator like me, never. Anywhoodlydo, she said her goal was that she wanted to finally get her shit together. She is slightly older than me so I don’t feel as bad about the hot mess I am. But her words stupefied me in their brilliance- "get your shit together." Get your grown ass lady shit together so you can be that grown lady you are supposed to be. The one with the great hair and house and amazing boyfriend. The lady who knows where all her money is. The one everyone goes to because her advice is always amazing. The one who is effortlessly beautiful and stands her ground. The one who knows where she is going, what she is doing and how exactly she is going to get there to do it. I want to be her.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am an adult. I take responsibility for my actions and I pay stuff mostly on time. I have a real job for which I am grossly underpaid. The excuse of being stupid and not knowing better but just didn't yet of my 20’s. The best part about the 30’s is that you are smart enough not to be stupid but still young enough to have fun before your knees totally give out. I am not out all night getting drunk and waking up in a new stranger’s bed every day. I am not addicted to anything stronger than sugar and wine, which are pretty much the same thing. I have no children. I am fairly boring. To start, I am a librarian. (Laugh it up but I am the coolest and hottest librarian you will ever meet. As long as you don't also meet my other librarian friends.) I don’t smoke or do drugs because our family dog, Targa, died of lung cancer and I have control issues. I don’t drink too much unless it is wine, and then all bets are off. I just broke an engagement to a few months ago to a guy who was, and still is, a decent human with a stable job and a house. According to the government, I have been an adult for a long time. But at 33, I still don’t feel like I have my stuff together. Beauty, finances, career, love life- all is currently in shambles. Most of that is my fault. But I will throw some of that to the fact that I got extremely ill this past fall and am still recovering. I like to see this as a moment to step back and hit the reset button on my life. I have the gift of trying again after I almost lost it all. I kinda hit the universal lottery. So I should really take advantage of this rare boon and do something with it... anything. Anything at all. Universe? I am still awaiting instructions about how I am supposed to go about the rest of my life and what exactly I should be doing...any sign would be ever so helpful! PLEASE?? Please...

 So 2016 is THE YEAR I WILL GET MY SHIT TOGETHER AND BE A GROWN LADY.

And now I have started a blog because I am trying to hold myself accountable to this crazy idea. Also because my sister Lauren said I should start a blog. She wasn’t forthcoming on any details as to why or what it should be about. Just that I should write one. Thx sis.

So here are my goals for this year in no particular order:

• hang curtains
• say YES (thanks Amy Poehler & Shonda Rhimes)
• send pictures to family that I have been hanging on to for years now
• engage with the Internet
• get better pillows
• make a vision board
• get a new job
• send thank you cards
• clarify what I want in a husband
• lead a more organized life
• stop procrastinating and do it now
• get regular oil changes
• get Christmas & craft stuff from the ex’s house
• take down the barriers
• choose to be happy 
• stay fly (thanks sister Lauren)
• fend off diabetes (thanks Mom)
• win this weight battle once and for all
• choose health
• use everything God gave me 
• research other careers
• organize my shoes
• read more books
• start the histoplasmosis society
• make a life mix of music
• stay in touch with my family
• create a signature look
• pay off my mattress
• organize my computer files
• take a bath once a week
• get a rug
• get everyone’s birthday so I don’t keep missing them
• finish my LinkedIn
• take mom to see Star Wars
• write down one good thing every day or at least once a week
• have/throw a party
• have a monthly date with myself to check my progress
• make my own cards and stationary
• develop a budget and stop spending money (ha!)
• get some placemats
• learn cards against humanity
• get the art out of my head
• get a something to hold all my pans
• check my email at 7:00 every night
• clear my voicemail on Sundays
• go to bed by 10

So... Hi. Welcome to the attempt to get my ish together this year! As for those spreadsheets-I don’t actually like spreadsheets. I did get better socks though, so I must be on my way.

This week:

Good Stuff: I am ever grateful that my mother dropped her life to come take care of me while I have been sick. I would have been entirely lost without her and probably overdosed or underdosed since I was too out of it to pay attention. Thanks for bringing me into the world and for not letting me go. And for the sock upgrade.

Current addictions: Tate’s Chocolate Chip Cookies and Conversation Hearts

Lusting: These shoes! They are purple! OMG

Wine: still medically inadvisable ...